Being yourself

 It's not easy being yourself - don't believe those who tell you it is.

First of all you have to decide for yourself who you are - based on values, beliefs and ambitions (and these tend to change over time). Then you have to decide what or who determines who you are. Each of us is, after all, the only person who cannot see us. We are therefore defined by our judgement of what we see in the mirror, and what other people tell us about who we are. Carl Jung calls this projection.

When I was working for the personal development company I mentioned, people who attended my workshops used to ask me if the report they received during the workshop described 'the real me'. As though a personality profile is likely to tell you who you 'really are'. After all, you were the one who completed the questionnaire that was used to generate the profile. So the only person telling you who you are is you - the only thing the profile does is elaborate the data.

Hmm...  there is this though: our idea of ourself is expressed through the ego. No, it's not a bad word, ego is simply latin for 'I'. It was Freud who first used the word (except he did it in German, not Latin: ich) to refer to the idea we have of ourself. So the next question has to be: where does that idea come from?

We like to like ourselves, and be liked by others. We don't always manage to. Sometimes we deceive ourselves, either positively or negatively, very often we do so to survive and carry on. So our ego doesn't always tell the truth, it is programmed to deceive. The ego will tell you what you want to hear.

There is a fad about becoming self aware. I often hear people who are in touch with their souls, who boast of high levels of self awareness. They tell you how much they have worked to individuate - to become whole, to become their true selves. Beware! That is their ego speaking! What lies in the shadow will mostly stay there, and if occasionally it bubbles up to the surface, be sure that something else will sink into the mud to be forgotten for a while. The trick lies in recognising your shadow when it appears, and recognising it for what it is.

To be continued...