Through the looking glass

“If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?”

Alice in Wonderland - Through the Looking Glass, Lewis Carroll, 1865

Epiphany

It's been an Alice in Wonderland year.

It just happened. The realisation that everything I had thought was, in fact was not. It was one of those famous Aha! moments, when everything becomes clear, well, sort of. They call it an epiphany.

I think it started with an email from someone I used to work with, but it may have started somewhere else: with the death of my mother, or a conversation with my twin sister. It doesn't matter. I'm going to try and explain, but I'm not Lewis Carroll.

The way we look at things is connected to our perception of the world. It is shaped by experience, and how we cope with it. We protect our sense of self, of who we think we are by colouring our experiences in a way that makes them meaningful to us. They have to be meaningful, in some shape or form: "man cannot have a meaningless life" is what Jung said.

Deception

It's not that we set out deciding that "today's going to be a meaningful day", although admittedly there are days you know in advance are going to be momentous. We just fall into patterns, and become set into our own way of looking at things so that they make sense to us, uniquely to us.

Now, Jacques Lacan, who was another genius, tells us a few truly meaningful things: first that our Ego, the thing that tells us who we are, is there to protect us, and therefore deceives us. I know, I've told this story before, but it's important to remember that what we think of ourselves may not necessarily be true, no matter how self aware we might think we are (self awareness is also self deception). Another meaningful thing that Jacques Lacan tells us is that there is no reality. What? I hear you say. Well, no, there isn't. All there is is Immaginary, Symbolic and then, way down, is Real.

We interpret reality and turn it into what we think it is. We do so by preparing and anticipating 'reality' in a way that helps us cope with whatever is ahead. Words help us interpret 'reality' and become symbols of it, and reality is only incidental, like a ladder that falls on your head. All of this hugely oversimplified.

What does it mean?

It all means that sometimes (probably often, perhaps even always) things are not what they seem. You knew that already, right? So start to imagine what you though happened didn't. Or happened differently, and that the way others perceive you is different to the way you perceive yourself. It sounds so obvious, but have you really tried?

I started looking through the looking glass. Turning things upside down, inside out, and back to front. Changing the labels in my head. I have come to the conclusion that what I thought of myself was indeed different to what others thought of me. It also means that what I expect (imagine) in terms of response from others is more than likely to be the opposite of what I actually get. Why? Because everyone else is not me, and everyone else is caught up in Ego protection and lies, and making 'reality' palatable and into an imaginary pattern that is acceptable to their ego.

On top of that there is always the problem of stereotyping. If you look like something, then you become it. I have never thought of myself as being a refugee, but in light of how I grew up, I have come to understand why others do. My sense of me (Ego) is different to the sense of others as they look at me. This also evokes a response. One that is necessarily different to what I expect. Almost always. Because the response is linked to the idea others have, not mine. It's complicated.

Now you try.